The healing power of books

How reading has saved me through chronic illness

Photo by Jan Mellström on Unsplash

This piece is going to be a little different than my traditional ones in which I’m (virtually) yelling at everyone to listen to immunocompromised and disabled people - especially when it comes to Covid - but I promise it’s related to my Long Covid and disability experience so stay with me.

I’ve always been a reader. I was a total Scholastic Book Fair brat growing up (even though my parents would never let me buy anything). I frequented the public libraries every week as a kid; I would check out literal stacks of books to take home. To this day, I still know my library number by heart (I don’t even know my credit card numbers, so…). I remember being anti-Kindle for the longest time because I believed in the supremacy of “real books,” but then got one because a new job had required weekly travel (back in 2018). Suddenly, I realized I was reading much more than ever before and I never looked back.

At that job, which was particularly grueling with weekly international flights, sleepless nights, awful clients, and frequent 80+ hour work weeks, reading became my escape. After staring at endless PowerPoints and Excels all day, I could finally turn my brain off its analytical side for a bit and get lost in my imagination and creativity (which my job had totally stolen from me) when I had a chance to read (in my very limited spare time).

After finally leaving that job, it opened up time for me to read even more, and I started a challenge with myself to read at least 80 books a year. Not because I wanted to prove I could read the most books out of anyone I know (ok, maybe a little bit at first), but rather because I had (and still have) an insatiable thirst for knowledge (thanks, ADHD!) that books can help satisfy, and because they have truly become the mental escape that I can rely on in these difficult times, especially since the start of the pandemic. I absolutely love reading, but I also make myself do it because sometimes facing the reality I am (and we are) living in is too much and if I don’t have an outlet, I’m not sure what will happen.

As it probably did for most people, the lockdown hit me hard. Where I was living at the time (outside of the US) was particularly strict in its early Covid protocols (which in retrospect I truly appreciate), and so as a single person with no “pod” to rely on, the loneliness of lockdown was pretty excruciating. Thank goodness I had my kindle (and access to my local library back in the US through Libby).

Reading helped get me through the lockdown, and the voracity with which I was consuming literature didn’t let up (to my great pleasure). Even after lockdown was lifted, books kept me company when I was lonely. They exercised my imagination. They helped me develop my capacity for empathy and understanding. They taught me so many things.

When I finally returned to the US last summer (very unexpectedly), my illness finally caught up with me and I was bedbound for a few weeks. It was only then that I really realized and accepted that I have Long Covid, and have had Long Covid for quite some time. During that time, books were one of my only companions - especially since watching screens was too taxing. Books got me through those truly dark days.

In the time since, I’ve gotten better and am no longer bed bound (though need to be horizontal often), but things have still been really hard with Long Covid. I’ve had to stay home more times than I can count. I’ve had to cancel plans. I’ve had to go lie down in bed when I don’t want to. Sometimes I can’t even read during those times, but during the times I can I’m so grateful. Though my body is stuck where it is, my mind can travel anywhere it wants to. I can read trashy romance novels that transport me away into a parallel universe in which there is no pandemic. I can read non-fiction books that teach me about trauma in my body. I can read so many wonderful things that save me every day from the realities of how brutal 1) living through a pandemic is, 2) living with Long Covid is, 3) living as a Covid Conscious/Cautious person is.

I spend nearly every single day screaming into the void, trying to get my friends, family, doctors, and anyone else I come into contact with to care about Covid, and so sometimes, it’s honestly just nice to have a break and do something for me.

I realize not everyone with LC or ME/CFS can read anymore. For a lot of us, that is too much effort and can lead to PEM and/or a crash. That’s probably also why I’m trying to read so much while I still can. I’m scared to lose this ability too. On that note, I wanted to share some of the books that got me through the last year. Here’s what I read in 2024:

Out of the 80 I read in 2024, there were definitely a few duds, but there were definitely a lot of books I read that were simply incredible. I thought I’d share some of my favorite books from this past year - some of the ones that touched me, inspired me, moved me, and shaped me the most. I’d love to hear what books you loved this past year (put ‘em in the comments please!) and if you’d like to follow me on Goodreads (yes, I know Amazon is evil) or Storygraph, send me a DM and I’ll send you my handles. I absolutely love kwhat other people reading.

In no particular order:

• All in Her Head: The Truth and Lies Early Medicine Taught Us About Women's Bodies and Why It Matters Today (Elizabeth Comen, MD)

• How to Hide an Empire: A History of the Greater United States (Daniel Immerwahr)

• Gaza: An Inquest into Its Martyrdom (Norman G. Finkelstein)

• Behind You Is the Sea (Susan Muaddi Darraj)

• The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs: A New History of Their Lost World (Steve Brusatte)

• Destiny Disrupted: A History of the World Through Islamic Eyes (Tamim Ansary)

• White Tears/Brown Scars: How White Feminism Betrays Women of Color (Ruby Hamad)

• Guns and Almond Milk (Mustafa Marwan)

• Against the Loveless World (Susan Abulhawa)

• Never Whistle at Night: An Indigenous Dark Fiction Anthology (Edited by Shane Hawk and Theodore C. Van Alst Jr.)

• Malcolm X: A Life of Reinvention (Manning Marable)

• Just for the Summer (Abby Jimenez)

• White Women: Everything You Already Know About Your Own Racism and How to Do Better (Regina Jackson and Saira Rao)

• Funny Story (Emily Henry…actually, anything by Emily Henry)

• Ultra-Processed People: The Science Behind Food That Isn't Food (Chris van Tulleken)

• You Are The One You've Been Waiting For: Bringing Courageous Love To Intimate Relationships (Richard C. Schwartz)

• Altered Traits: Science Reveals How Meditation Changes Your Mind, Brain, and Body (Daniel Goleman and Richard J. Davidson)

• Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life Life-Changing Tools for Healthy Relationships (Marshall B. Rosenberg)

• Bride (Ali Hazelwood)

• Body Work: The Radical Power of Personal Narrative (Melissa Febos)

• How Far the Light Reaches: A Life in Ten Sea Creatures (Sabrina Imbler)

• Gaza Writes Back: Short Stories from Young Writers in Gaza, Palestine

  (Edited by Refaat Alareer)

• Black Friend: Essays (Ziwe)

• The Hundred Years' War on Palestine: A History of Settler Colonialism and Resistance, 1917-2017 (Rashid Khalidi)

• Radical Self-Forgiveness: The Direct Path to True Self-Acceptance (Colin Tipping)

• The Palestine Laboratory: How Israel Exports the Technology of Occupation Around the World (Antony Loewenstein)

• Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It (Jennifer Breheny Wallace)

• The Ethnic Cleansing of Palestine (Ilan Pappe)

You can tell an awful lot about someone by the books they read and love, so now you definitely know FAR too much about me. But hopefully some of these recommendations spark your interest and help you forget, even if for just a moment, that you’re dealing with a grueling chronic illness.

Now it’s your turn. What books did you read and love this past year? Please share in the comments! One of my love languages is book recommendations, so I’d absolutely love to know what you’d suggest I read in 2025.

Note: All my essays are stream of consciousness, mostly because I’m too tired and brainfogged with my LC and ME/CFS, but also because it’s a nice experiment to be (mostly) unfiltered. Thanks in advance for excusing any typos, spelling mistakes, etc.